Two Fast Food Joints

From where I’m sitting at the office I got two fast food joints within blocks of each other. In And Out Burger’s right here at the Strawberry Shopping Strip. A block down the road you got McDonalds. I’m thinking easy peasy. $8.95 will get me a double double cheese meal at the IN AND OUT.

But it’s barely eleven and already the joint is packed with people lined up outside to get in…so I cruise down the road a piece to the Big Mac Shack. The place is dead empty.

Not quite empty.

They got a little dude wearing a mask, taking orders. He’s standing next to a self-order panel. Eager to engage with a customer.

Here I am!

I can’t make out what he’s saying behind his mask.

He keeps mumbling, nodding. He points proudly to the glowing self-service panel. Maybe his job is to make customers aware of the self-service panel. It looks like a neon advert to me. But it’s not. It’s how you order your food at McDonald’s these days.

“I want a big mac deal,” I tell the little dude. “A number one.”

He’s nodding. Mumbling. He indicates the panel. Almost like he’s pleading.

“You do it for me,” I tell him. “Please.”

“Mumble mumble mumble,” he says.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Large?” he says. I think I hear him say Large.

“No large. Regular. Just the regular deal.”

They give you a bigger coke for the extra two bucks. You don’t need a bigger coke. Same with the larger fries. Their fries suck anyway. No. The Big Mac’s the main deal and you get the same size no matter how big you go. Remember that. Going large is a rig deal….

Okay. It works. He scurries over behind the counter, where a cook emerges, smiling, nodding. Takes my money. Gives me change. Not Peso’s mind you. Dollars.

I’m okay with Mexicans flooding our borders. Look how eager they are to work and contribute to society? Working suck ass menial jobs. Eager to work like mules. These are the good people. My only concern is receiving my change in Dollars. Not Pesos….

Meanwhile, another customer enters the joint. He moves like a General to the self-service panel and taps in his order. Bingo! He don’t need to talk to nobody. His order’s in the can.

He’s a Man of the times!

Meanwhile the little dude is smiling at me through his mask.

The only other person in the joint

I ordered eat-in. The little cook presents me with a bag. I take my bag to one of a dozen or more empty tables. Maybe if I’d used the self-service panel like a man of the times I would’ve been presented with a tray…and served. Served by one of the eager employees. I notice the General. They bring him his food on a tray. Why? Not because he’s a General. Because he used the self-service panel. He followed protocol.

Oh, well, good for him.

I rip open my bag. I’m about to dig in when I notice one other person in the joint. He’d been sitting at a table all along. Just sitting.

The Lobotomy Dude.

A dead ringer for Thomas Wolfe

“How you doing?” I call to him.

He turns to me. Does he nod? I can’t quite tell. He is definitely staring at me.

“So you’re here at McDonalds, are you?”

“Yes,” he says.

“Change of pace?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Are you here for lunch?”

“No.”

“What brings you here, then?”

“I’m wearing out slow.”

“You’re what?”

“I’M WEARING OUT SLOW.”

Having announced his condition emphatically, he returns to his former activity. Staring at his empty table. I notice the little employee. Nodding. He knows the score.

Food Sucks

When I was a kid, more than a half century ago, a Big Mac deal was a big deal. The food was good. Sure, it was junk. But it was good. A Big Mac tasted like a Big Mac. I can’t even get through this suck ass meal. The fries are stale. The Mac…well, the act of describing it makes me sad…so I’ll just say this Big Mac is a sad approximation of the Big Mac of my glory days. So I’m done here. I’m done with McDonalds.

The Big Mac Shack, like so many of the familiar institutions of my youth, has gotten old.

It wore out slow…

A quick comparison

I stop in at IN AND OUT BURGER for a quick comparison. The place is packed. Nobody’s using self-service panels because none are available. A panel of eager smiling youths, maskless, are taking orders. Other youths are shouting out done orders. I notice the pricing. A double double with cheese, which will satisfy the hunger of a great frothing beast, goes for 10.99. That’s two bucks more than pre-pandemic. Okay. That’s reasonable. The suck ass meal I only half consumed at The Big Mac Shack cost me 14.50.

No wonder Mac D is empty while this joint is packed.

The Big Mack Shack is worn out. It took a while…but it’s done.

And I’m done with the Big Macks.

Next time I need some fast food junk I’m sticking with IN AND OUT. I’ll just be patient and wait in line.

It’s worth it for a bit of the Glory Days….