“Rainy, Windy, and cold today with wind gusts up to fifty miles an hour.”

Just heard the above on the radio. I forget her name. Radio lady from KCBS. The only station comes in clearly on my antique boom box. Well, that’s no big deal. I like her voice. Until I don’t. I’ll shut her off and listen to my electric heater blow, my fridge hum, and the dripping from a severe leak above my wheel…

Pity The Anchor Outs

Storm’s tough enough here in a marina slip, bouncing around, yanking dock lines, drips dripping, bilge collecting rain water, but things can always be worse. I mean, I could be anchored out. Yeah. Stuck out there at the mercy of the elements…

Do I pity them? Hell no. Beyond self-pity I have very little to spare. They say they need to live free, these anchor outs. They wanna groove with the cormorants on pleasant days? Suffering this bad ass blow is the flip side. Nothing’s free in this cruel world.

Well, enough pontificating. I need to get back to self-pitying.

Where was I?

I do my best self-pitying when I come awake at 2 a.m.. That’s the golden hour for hating myself. I’ll lay awake and mull over all the reasons I’m a failed human being and how my tenure of failure is soon to end with an utter collapse of my living situation. Meaning I’ll lose Scruffy and end up living in a cardboard box. Nice! I mean, two a.m. is the witching hour for a depressed dude to glory in self-derision…

Man, am I a friggin crybaby!

My ex-girlfriend, Sharon, is weathering this storm in her car with her dog. My old buddy from High School, He’s living in a rest home. (actually, that’s not so bad!) But Sharon. And so many others. Out there on the street. How could it get worse for them. I should be ashamed of myself. Am I ashamed of myself?

Naaaaa….

Practice Living In The Moment?

They say this is how you beat self-pity. You practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the new spirituality. Actually it’s five thousand years old (see Taoism) but ex-hippies like to think they made it up. Smug bastards. Anyway, what mindfulness is, according to Oprah’s buddy Eckhart Tolle, is living in the moment. Living in the now means you forget yourself and see what’s going on around you and suddenly wow all your self pity evaporates and you’re hap hap happy!

I’m gonna give that a shot.

What’s going on around me at this moment?

What else?

How are my neighbors?

Okay! I gotta hand it to mindfulness.

I’m hanging in there.

I’m no longer feeling sorry for myself.

So far so good.

I guess mindfulness works.

But I’m not the only one living in the now.

Mutt just showed up for a handout. Is it Mutt or is it Jeff? I can’t tell. Does it really make a difference? It’s not like he’s a dog. Or even a Cat. He’s a god damned bird. He’s not even a lovable Bird. That would be a cockatiel. Or a Parrot (especially if you’re a Pirate). No. He’s not loveable. He’s a Sea Gull.

A Sea Gull is the closest thing a bird gets to being a human being.

That’s right, they’re despicable…

Christ! It’s blowing fifty miles an hour out there, raining like hell, and all this little prick can think about is food.

Is he practicing MINDFULLNESS? Or is it…RAW SURVIVAL?

A parting shot

Mutt (or is it Jeff) says bye bye to the Gloomer.

He’s not hanging around some dude refuses to give him a handout. There’s others out there more gullible than me. If not, there’s always dock muscles, sea weed, etcetera…He’s not practicing Mindfulness. It’s called Selfishness…

Yeah? Is that better than Self-Pity?

I think so.