Monday 28 April…..news from the Homefront

The Phony Australian Dude is back. Six months, or a year ago, I don’t remember how long ago, exactly, he left…he left forever. He said he was returning home. Wherever that is. Returning to his homeland, never to return. But now he’s back. It’s like he never left. See him? Sitting at his favorite booth, sipping coffee, reading his phone, watching YouTube videos, sipping shitty coffee. It’s like he stepped out of a comic book. He’s back…

“I thought you left forever?”

“That’s right, mate. Now I’m back.”

“Where’s you’re dog?”

“Brown Bread, mate.”

“What?”

“Cockney rhyme, Mate. Brown Bread mean’s Dead.”

“Oh, shit…I’m sorry for your loss.”

(I’m not really sorry. Good riddance to the fowl creature.)

“I really miss the little geezer, mate.”

To avert an embarrassing flood of tears, I change the subject:

“Well, you’re back, then. I knew you’d be back. It’s just like they say. You can check-out of the office any time you like, but you can never leave.”

“Oh, I’m only back for a fortnight and a kip, Mate. Just a quick visit with the kids.”

So he says. We’ll see…

News from the World

The Mexican Revolution is still raging

Who knows when that damned conflict will end.

Donald Trump checked into a seminary and they made him a pope

I mean, they made him THE Pope. He does everything bigly. So it’s no surprise he would emerge at the top of the heap.

You should hear him brag about it:

“My People said to me, they said, ‘Sir, you can’t just declare yourself The Pope. You need to be elected by a conclave of big shots. They’re called Cardinals. They have the say about who becomes Pope.’ Well, I told them, I told them, you don’t understand who you’re addressing. I’m no longer ‘Sir’….you follow? ‘Sir’ is for losers. I’m now ‘Your Holiness.’ Get that right or you’re fired.”

What else is in the news?

Cannibalism resurfaces as a lifestyle choice

Some Europeans and Americans who ate human flesh accidentally, out of curiosity, or to comply with local customs tend to describe it as very good. Wikipedia

Human palms and soles make popular eating in various parts of the world

All this is going on as I speak.

Then you have the imaginary news

Globulators survey their spoils. These are winners, folks!!!

Stuff that never really happened. Like, for instance:

Far right radical Republicans, commonly referred to as MAGA goons, are currently dismantling the Federal Government, targeting Social Security and Medicare, though not limiting themselves to social welfare plans. Included in the gutting are Executive Departments, Independent Agencies, Regulatory Agencies, Government Corporations, anything that smacks of an endowment. Ivy League Universities and Prestigious Law Firms once critical of the Trump Pontiff are now offering up appeasements in the form of Maga Tithes.

Lately all the imaginary news has been about the Defense Department !!!

A Peckerheaded second-string Fox and Friends news host has been elevated to a position of great power. He’s now the boss of 2 million people, our Armed Forces. All the Generals, Admirals, Officers, Enlisted Men. Our Armies and Navies and, well, the whole sheebang. He’s the man in charge!

A man of wisdom is a man of discretion…

How’s he doing so far?

As you would expect, he’s encountering a few hurtles.

Pete’s not the only lughead grappling with the reins of power.

Kristi Noem, the Puppy Killer and former Governor of a wild west state, who’s now the Secretary of Homeland Security, poses before shirtless Venezuelan prisoners deported to an El Salvadorian Gulag.

She did a Vogue Style make-over before taking her position before the cell bars.

She’d like to shoot one or two of those gang members. Or maybe even use the lot of them for target practice. Remember, she shot her Puppy because it was “Untrainable”.

Soon the Pontiff will allow U.S. citizens to be seized and flown in the night to one of these Gulags where we will be at the mercy of Kristi Noem, The Secretary of Heartless, I mean Homeland, Security. This is imaginary, of course. The Pontiff would never suggest sending U.S. Citizens to Gulags.

Maybe only the real bad ones.

I mean, why not? If they’re dangerous they need to be gotten rid of. And the best way to do it is to stick their sorry asses in a Client State’s dungeon.

Anyway, none of this shit is really happening.

As I said, it’s all imaginary. This and a hell of a lot more. I could go on for hours and days listing all the imaginary stuff that’s been not really happening here in the good old U.S. of A..

Why would I do that?

Maybe I’m flipping my lid…..eh? eh?

Heh…heh…heh…

I guess I got a wild imagination that needs to be appeased.

I need an outlet, sort of.

Cuz otherwise, I’m just a homeless dude, living in my van.

Van life’n…

Camped at my marina parking lot!

Well, I’m tired off all this imagining…

I guess I should check the listings for a boat.

This one’s taken.

Or…

I could eat a cookie!

Gotta have one of those. Only problem, they’re at Joan’s house. My Trumpy Girlfriend. I go over there for a cookie she’ll have the news on. All that imaginary shit. I can’t take it.

I guess I’ll just kick back in my van and think about shit.

Maybe dream about them black hills that I aint never seen…