For all time, the most frequently banned book is 1984 by George Orwell.

I need to increase sales of my book. I figure I’ll get it banned. That’ll increase sales. Nothing like forbidden fruit to wet your whistle.

This is one of my bright ideas.

Turns out I’m not off base.

As book bans and challenges mount across the country, the extra media attention — especially during Banned Book Week — gives some authors a boost in sales, even if their works are removed from some shelves. 

the hill

My book’s not on anybody’s shelf yet. That’s the first order of business. Get it on a shelf. Then get it banned and removed from the shelf.

That’ll make it a best seller!

I need to ask around. Find who’s in charge of banning books

I googled around and found this:

The groups pushing for books to be taken off library shelves and removed from the curriculum in school districts range from national advocacy groups with several branches across the country, including Moms for Liberty, No Left Turn in Education, and Mass Resistance, to local-level Facebook groups.

Eesha Pendharkar 

I need to email one of the Moms in Moms for Liberty. Or one of the driving instructors in No Left Turn in Education. Pretend I’m an irate Patriot. Bring this scabrous book to the attention of the steering committee. Whoever’s in charge. Get em riled up. Maybe send them a copy of the Yardbird with sections of objectionable shit underlined.

See how my mind works? I’m always thinking..

But how objectionable is my book?

Could be it doesn’t rate being banned.

Wait a minute.

I make fun of a lot of stuff. Religion. Fine Art. Wealthy People. The Legal Profession. Doctors. People with Mental Illness.

But does making fun of people and things rate getting Banned?

Maybe not.

How about this: The Hero, Joe Pester, worships a Cockroach.

Advocating Paganism might do the trick. Especially with the Bible Thumpers.

I need a back-up, just in case Paganism doesn’t make the cut.

How about OLD AGE SEX?

My book describes Old Farts having sex. Sounds disgusting. Okay, I’m gonna go with that.

Could be a sure thing.

I think Old Age Sex will get my book banned.

Moms For Liberty

I’m thinking I’ll approach Moms For Liberty.

First things first, you know.

Reach out. Get to know some of the members. Then slip them my book.

What drew me to this group?

Well, first of all, they’re some pretty hot looking women. Like the miniskirted talent on Fox News.

Just so you know. Here’s the Founders.

Pretty Hot. Stone Hot in fact….

Tina Descovich, one of the founders. Nice!

Another reason for going with Moms For Liberty right off the bat.

These women don’t mess around.

These are some bad ass broads.

In June 2022, Cabot, Arkansas Police opened an investigation after a recording surfaced featuring one of the group’s leaders, Melissa Bosch, fantasizing about shooting school librarians, saying “they would all be plowed down with a freaking gun”.^[38]

Wikipedia

I never thought being a Librarian could be a dangerous profession.

Well, times change and you need to adapt.

Go with the group that intimidates the best.

Banned Book Week

Banned book week is held the first week of October.

I’m googling around trying to find out where it’s held. I need to find out. I need to add my book to the list.

First get it banned.

Add it to the list at the event.

Go to the event. Sell and sign copies of my banned book.

So far I can’t find where the events are being held.

Is it a secret?

Well, I’ll need to call around.

I’m thinking Berkeley would be an obvious choice for an Banned Books Event.

Good old Berkeley

Man, I’d love to have a guy like Mario Savio promote my banned book.

Sadly, he passed away.

The good ones always go before their time.

I don’t know if that’s true.

It sounds about right.

RIP Mario Savio….[1942–1996]

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