Friday 29 March 2024 The Office

A friend of mine passed away. I found out yesterday. Not this guy. Johan Sebastian Bach did pass away. 28 July 1750, as a matter of fact. We weren’t close friends. I’m showing you his picture because I’m playing his music while I write this blog post. I’m playing his music to drown out the conversation this lady is having with some dude. She’s sitting in the booth behind me. Her and the Dude. She’s doing all the talking. Her head is maybe 3 feet from mine and I can hear every god damned insipid bullshit word out of her mouth. Here’s a rule of thumb: people who like to do all the talking are generally wasting your time. Present company excepted. Anyway, I’m listening to Bach while I write this. Everything he wrote still sounds cool. The way he looks you wouldn’t think so. A stodgy old dude. A stuffed shirt. Yet his music is flat out cool. You can just glide on it, write a blog, read a crime novel, all the while grooving on Old Bach’s Tunes. Or you can focus on the perfection of his sounds. The Brandenburg Concertos’, for example. Music to drown out this boring hag behind me likes to do all the talking. I’ll be damned! I’m staring at Old Bach and he does kind of look like this friend of mine who passed away.

I Googled him

He died on Feb 5, 2021. That’s right. He died more than three years ago. I found out only yesterday. I’m hanging at Safeway. At my free booze sample gig. Bored out of my mind, when I decide to Google him. Why did I google him? I don’t know, lazy I guess. I didn’t even bother to check if I still had his phone number. Ten years had passed since we last spoke. All this time I figured he was somewhere poking around, doing his thing, like the rest of us. He was a fairly close friend of mine but we’d lost contact with each other. That what you say when you blow somebody off, or they blow you off, or, best of all worlds, you blow each other off. It just so happens he blew me off. I don’t know if I deserved it or not. I’m thinking he might have sent me a friend request on Facebook a few years back (after he blew me off in the flesh) but I never responded. An ignored Facebook friend request doesn’t count as a serious or even legitimate Blow Off. Facebook does not count for shit when it comes to Friendship. Facebook is worse than the lady behind me doing all the talking. It’s all bullshit. I spit on Facebook Friendships.

The reason I know he did blow me off is I called him a couple times, left messages, went by his boat twice, left notes on his boat to call me. And he never responded. I figure he had a good reason for blowing me off. It’s none of my business, his reason. I don’t hold it against him. I know, if I had persisted, he would’ve come around. Because we held no serious grudges against each other. I’m trying to think if I owed him any money. I think I was even on that score. What I’m thinking is, I’m thinking he did a cost/benefit analysis of our relationship and he said to himself, “eh, I could return the Dude’s call…but maybe later.” And then later, “eh, I could call the Dude…maybe never…” And that was it. Had I run into him at some point during this cooling off period I’m convinced it would’ve been old home’s week between us no sweat.

But we never bumped into each other. He stayed put on his turf, the 5th avenue Marina in Oakland. I stayed put here in Sausalito. Years passed. He died. I’m still living in the material world as George Harrison put it. I’m alive. My friend is dead.

He’s been dead more that three years. I only found out yesterday.

My regret is I didn’t put more effort into preserving our friendship. I could’ve salvaged it. I’m good at schmoozing people. I could’ve done more to keep our friendship alive. But I let it go. It’s my loss. Count up all your losses and suddenly you’re having a bad day…and for no good reason. Still, admitting one’s regrets stiffens the spine. For what it’s worth…

Not a Fair Weather Friend

I’ve got a few friends and relatives I’ve let dangle. Mostly relatives. I guess relatives count as friends. I’m looking at my relationship list and I see there are no more than a few I’ve let dangle. Mainly because my list is short. I’m lazy. I don’t put much effort into building friendships in the first place. I’ve got way more acquaintances than true friends. Fair Weather Friends, my Mother used to call them.

Craig Murdock was not a Fair Weather Friend. I don’t mean we were thick like lifelong friends are. I knew him maybe twenty years…thirty years if you count the time from when he blew me off. And during that time we’d see each other often, or not so often, depending on our proximity. For a time he was part of a circle I orbited. We lived in the same Marina for a while. The year I met him we were both camping in vehicles. He was sleeping in his car while I resided in a fully self-contained RV. We’d hang at my dining room table and drink coffee and watch the cars glide by at the Gas House Cove parking lot. He bought his first boat and moved onto it, over at the Emeryville Marina. His move inspired me to sell my R/V, buy a Sailboat, and join him. I would say we were not fair weather friends for a simple reason: we shared the same adventures. We joined the world of Boat People…we lived the boat bum life. Our lifestyle set us apart and drew us together. Not too close but close enough to count as more than fair weather friends…

One of the good people

I’m not going to extoll all of Craig’s virtues. I’ll attach this glowing obituary. All I’m going to add is Craig Murdock was good hearted to a fault. One day a group of us boat bums sat around drinking coffee when Martin Moore brought up the fact he was flat broke with no prospects. He could sure use a loan. Craig peeled off five hundreds and passed them to Martin. A week or so later, after his past due rent had been paid along with some other debts, Martin died in his sleep. Aboard his boat. A very peaceful death. Craig would do for people knowing he was losing in the end. But he’d do for them anyway. This is why I count him as one of the Good People. I’m not so good. I try to be and mostly fail. But I can recognize a Good Person when I see one.

Beware who you Google

A glowing obituary but no post mortems. I’m the kind that gets off on the grim details. I want to know how he died. Where he died. Who was with him when he died. I’m thinking he could’ve died like Martin Moore. Peacefully in his sleep. Or, based on the date of death, he could’ve died of Covid, in the hospital. I’ve been searching the internet for death notices. So far no luck. Just this glowing obit from the SF chronicle. My buddy Rel Render says he’ll call Craig’s son. Find out the details. That’s if there’s no luck on my end.

Well…I’m thinking I’ll let it go of my end. Let the dogs sleep…

Beware who you Google. You might find an old friend’s obituary. And then you’re thinking how you let him down. How you’re less than a good person. How maybe you don’t measure up. I’m talking you, not me. I already know I don’t measure up. I’m resolved to my limitations. Just give me seven days off a week and I’m happy. Still, I regret not having spent more time with Craig while he was still among the living. Let this be a lesson to me.

A lesson? I don’t like lessons. I’d rather listen to Bach.