I had a bad week on the run up to seventy.

Now I’m trying to chill. Dump my blues.

Lay into a positive groove.

How do you do that?

I’m thinking, come up with some ideas. Like maybe this:

Turn a negative into a positive

Okay, so I’m hanging with a smashed up face, watching it heal into a rather ghastly scar. Growing a beard cuz my Plastic Surgeon tells me I can’t shave. The thing is, I don’t like beards. Now I got one. I’m a seventy year old bearded dude. I hate seventy year old bearded dudes.

And I got this grisly scar.

How do you turn that into a positive?

I’m thinking it’s like a tattoo, this scar

l see these kids who’ve stained their bodies for life with all kinds of ridiculous shit.

A duck with a kitchen knife? What the Fuck was he thinking? And the little thing there with the burning head or whatever it is. How do you explain that? “Oh, I don’t know. One day I just got the urge to stain my body for life with a little burning head. No big deal. Where should we have lunch?” I wonder how any of these punks explain their tattoos. I read where 30 percent of the population has tattoos these days.

Well, I can one up all of them.

My tattoo is a scar.

A bad ass scar!

You think you’re cool with your pansy ass tattoos? Go smash your face all to hell and grow a beard.

Or get in a knife fight.

Now I’m feeling better…

Not much better. What else?

Consider making it to seventy an achievement

Okay, I’m good with that.

I made it to seventy. That takes some doing. I didn’t jump off the golden gate bridge all those times I got real depressed. I hung in there. Struggled though the hard times.

Now I’m sitting here with a sore back. A sore face. Bad knees. A real bad shoulder. Old feet. Teeth falling out. A strong urge to drink booze every night. A job that gives me free booze I can’t resist the urge to drink every night.

What else?

I’m old and fat. I used to be beautiful. Now look at me. I’m a old fat bearded fart with a scar and I’m wheez’n when I should be breath’n….

But I made it to Seventy.

Things could be worse!

That’s right. I could be the world’s oldest chicken.

This is Peanut. A hen from Waterloo, Michigan. Twenty two fucking years old. Trust me. That’s real old for a chicken.

Look at it. Barely holding on. How’d you like to be a chicken and live that long?

Shit.

I mean, this chicken is so arthritic she can barely walk.

Old and beat up and unsteady on her feet.

Even the cats are feeling sorry for it.

So I guess things could be worse, right?

At least I’m not this chicken.

Wait a minute.

This chicken. What was her name? Peanut. Yeah…Peanut aint doing too bad. Peanut has one thing I’ll never have:

A loving owner

This lady. She raises chickens. One day she was getting ready to chuck Peanut’s cold egg in the pond. Get rid of a dead egg…and just as she’s set to chuck the egg, she hears it chirping. Yeah, the cold dead egg is making chirping noises. So she takes the egg home and nurtures the fucker. Helps Peanut hatch out. Hand feeds the little pecker. Keeps it in the house. Raises it up. Treats lit like a queen.

And whatdayaknow. Peanut lives a charmed life.

She’s still living a charmed life.

Thanks to this lady.

She’s a happy god damned chicken!!!!

What’s more, Peanut is in the Guinness book of world records!

That’s like winning the fucking chicken nobel prize!

I got nothing going

I’m thinking even a chicken is better off than me.

I might as well take a hike up to the Golden Gate bridge.

Do a triple gainer off the fucker.

Say by-by to this veil of tears.

Maybe I’ll kill a quart of gin first….

A magic video appears

What just happened?

I’m feeling way better.

I found a little antidote to the old fart blues.

A video to kill the old fart seventy years old blues appears like a talisman.

The fucker just dropped into my lap. I’m scrolling Youtube for the happy sounds, and there it is! I’ve played it a dozen times and every time I play it I can feel the old shit fall away.

All you old farts out there. I guarantee this’ll lighten you up.

One thing, though. You gotta watch it all the way through for the magic to work…because the last part is the best.

This is better than Porno!

Chubby at 71 plays Argentina

Dig those Latin Ladies!