I’ve been looking for a job.

I found a job.

As a Booze Sample Dude.

I put off starting this gig. I don’t know why. It’s not because I doubt my abilities. This is a highly technical position requiring minute attention to detail and a terrific capacity for hard work. Of course they hired me. They recognize a Quality Person when they see one.

I did a one hour training period (they call it a shadow shift) with the ghoul.

That was a month ago.

I did a Booze Provider Course. Took the ABC test. Now I’m certified.

I resisted the urge to throw away all the crap they sent me. Spigots. Tiny plastic cups, (the same size as the ones you use to drink the blood of Christ). A black table cloth (good for double duty at Satanic Rituals.) What else? Oh, a bunch of crap in boxes I haven’t bothered to open.

I put off opening the boxes for fear of finding instructions I’ll then be required to read.

So what gives?

I’ve been putting off launching my new career as a booze sample dude because…well, because it’s pays less than In An Out Burger.

Wait a minute. Do they pay 25 bucks an hour? I think so.

Anyway, it pays the same as the Burger Joint. I’m thinking I could do better than flipping burgers pay. I should get pay commensurate with my vaunted abilities as a Sales Pro. So I’ve been looking around. Checking the sales jobs on Craigslist. Help Wanted Portals on the internet. Scam Weasles most of them but they do offer Sales Jobs.

I’ve been looking for Sales jobs because that’s what I did for 39 years. I hustled the goods and services. I sold vacume cleaners. Massage Tables. Burial Plots. Coupon Books. Alarm Systems. AMWAY (for one day). Cars. Windows and Doors. (Believe it or not my coupon books was the easiest money.) The biggest scam was selling Gold. I sold Gold and Silver. I sold Furniture. I sold…forget all the stuff I sold. I spent 20 years selling Windows and Doors and though it was the bush leagues it payed way way better than 25 bucks an hour.

So I’ve been looking

And what I find, I find these companies, they have similar requirements.

One in particular.

I keep running across this phrase: A Rockstar Work Ethic.

More than a few. I’d say half the ads I read say they want a person with a Rockstar Work Ethic.

Here’s an example:

Are you articulate and professional? Do you have a Rockstar work ethic and keen attention to detail?

a typical ad on Craigslist

Do I have a Rockstar Work Ethic?

I’m confused. I’m not sure what they mean. I always thought Rock Stars had no work ethic. They partied all night. Slept most of the day. Then partied some more.

I could very easily have a Rockstar Work Ethic. I mean, you could give me a task to perform. I could blow it off. Get drunk with the secretary. Cut out with her to the Disco Bar.

Is that what they’re looking for?

I could do that. I’m pushing seventy but I think I can still get it up for that.

I wouldn’t even need any retraining.

Am I missing something?

The last time I looked for a job was…hell I don’t remember. I remember the last time I got a job from the ads. It was 1989. This company, Safeguard Securities, needed an Alarm Salesman. They wanted a guy who was…a Self Starter. Highly Motivated. Able to meet quotas without supervision. Goal Oriented. Always Positive regardless of the situation. And…and this is what prompted me to answer the ad:

Prima donnas urged to apply.

Turned out to be a perfect fit. I started the next day and by the end of the first week I was the second highest grosser in the country (their other office was in Las Vegas).

I did very well peddling Burglar Alarms.

To my knowledge it didn’t require a Rock Star Work Ethic.

Oh, well…

I feel as though the times (these times) have passed me by.

I don’t seem to have the same snap in my gaite I once had. That get up and go required to kick ass and take names. The old Rock Star Work Ethic for want of a better phrase…

They’ve been very nice to me these people at HerbalistSP. The Booze Sample Company.

Extremely nice. I mean, even though I blew them off for two months they still want me on board. The Big Cheese in Rocklyn offered to pay me for the training I did. A C-note for four hours work. (Did I do four hours of training? I think so. The course took about that long. The test was a breeze.)

And they scheduled me my first shift–not till next month, thank god.

So I guess I’ll give it a go. The Focus Groups dried up. I need the dough.

I need some kind of dough.

Hell, maybe I’ll add another side-hustle to the mix.

Like my buddy Thom. He’s doing Door-Dash.

Maybe I’ll try Door-Dash.

Do they require a Rock Star Work Ethic, you think?