Self-improvement is not my strong suit.

An inspired thought just occurred to me.

Whenever I get one of these, I try to smother it with a vodka chaser. But I’m struggling with a blog topic. So maybe I’ll hang with this gem of inspiration:

“The tragedy of my life is I can’t afford to pay somebody to make me a better person.”

That’s it.

I have trouble fleshing out an inspired thought. The above inspired thought is actually half-assed. Even if I had money to hire a Life-coach or a Personal Trainer or a Therapist or a Financial Planner or a BLOG EDITOR or a Piss Pot Yogi or any so called expert to improve my life I would not spend a dime.

Number one, I’m cheap. I hate spending money.

Number two, I hate so called experts.

So maybe my inspired thought should be revised slightly to something like this:

“The tragedy of my life is I don’t have a tragedy…I just think I do.”

That’s better.

So what’s your problem?

The thing is, I have this urge to do better with my life. I get depressed because I can’t seem to act on this urge.

But what if I don’t need improving?

It could very well be that I’m perfect just the way I am.

I’m a highly successful specimen, like the cockroach.

Can Cockroaches Play Dead? Cockroaches can, indeed, play dead. Many have reported seeing cockroaches stay completely still (sometimes even roll onto their backs) until a human presence or threat has gone away. Once they detect the coast is clear, the cockroach will flip back onto its feet and scuttle away to safety. Aug 13, 2022

the something or other

You’re not going a find a smarter or more durable insect. These little buddies have thrived on the planet for half a billion years or maybe a billion years. Your common cockroach is smarter than a lot of people I know. Here’s some fun facts about the little critters:

• Cockroaches have been around since the time of dinosaurs!
• A cockroach can live almost a month without food.
• A cockroach can live about two weeks without water.
• Some female cockroaches only mate once and stay pregnant for life!
• A cockroach can live for up to one week without its head!
• Cockroaches can hold their breath for up to 40 minutes!
• Cockroaches can run up to 3 miles an hour.

Living without your head for up to a week is a neat trick…although I know certain human beings who’ve lived their whole life without a functioning head. That’s only because we’re more highly evolved.

But what about running three miles an hour?

That’s a speedy roach, man!

Then there’s my feathered friends to consider

The California Gull.

I’m telling you, man. I got a pair of these birds hanging on my boat. They will not leave me alone.

I’m not their friend. I’m more of a mark.

Here’s some fun facts about sea gulls.

• They thrive in cities. (kind of like Hipsters do.)
• They are expert food thieves.
• They’ll eat anything.
• They can sleep in a motel 6 for free.
• They can’t play dead but they fly better than cockroaches.
• They’ll eat anything (did I already say that?)
• They’re expert thieves (I said that already but I’ll say it again because I admire a good thief).
• They will sleep on your sofa if you let them.
• They use teamwork to harass enemies.
• They mate for life (this makes them way better than humans).
• They wont take no for an answer.

The point I’m trying to make here.

I forgot…

What…oh, yeah. Self-Improvement. Maybe I don’t need to improve. Maybe I’m a highly successful specimen, like the Sea Gull, or, more appropriately, the Cockroach.

Maybe being The Gloomer. The way I am right now. Maybe this is the best I need to be. Because I’m perfect.

Nobody’s perfect…you of all people

I mean, perfect in my imperfections.

Sounds like bullshit?

Yeah…because it is.

I could be a lot better person. I know I could.

I’m just no good at self-improvement.

Never was. I get to a point at being pretty good at something. Never an expert. Just pretty good. Good enough for government work, we used to say in the Navy. I get to the point of a working proficiency, and that’s it, I’m done.

I go with the-half-ass-it-works-fine-live-with-it deal…

That’s the story of my life.

If this sounds sad to you, then…you too might be fucked up in the head.

Maybe a highly successful human specimen is one that doesn’t think of success.

It just doesn’t occur to them.

They never think about success. About getting better. Of getting ahead. Or even being a little bit better.

They feel perfect just the way they are.

Like Chance. The character in BEING THERE.

He watches T.V. and grows flowers. That’s all he does! And he’s fine with that.

How many people like Chance do you know?

I know a guy like Chance.

He works here at the office. A 65 year old Barista. He works two dead end jobs (one of which I will soon be assuming) and he seems perfectly fine with that. The more I watch this guy, the more I’m starting to believe he might be perfect just the way he is.

There’s a lot of people walking around…people like my friend here at the office. They’re just plugging along, trying to make ends meet.

They’re made to feel bad because they don’t do better.

Human Beings are stuck trying to be better. We can’t help it. It’s like a rash. It torments us. We try so hard to be better we invented hell to punish those of us who can’t or wont be better people.

I say it’s Bullshit.

I’ve almost convinced myself to be satisfied with my sad sack life.

You can do this shit with a blog!

I’m making an effort to be done with trying to be a better person. This means there’s a quart of $4.99 Vodka in my immediate future…

If nothing else, I’m done here.

I’m leaving this post with a photo Kim texted me.

It belongs with this blog.