These birds are not costumed.

Every day is trick or treats for these little pricks.

October 31st. It’s early. The fog’s thick here on the docks. Just another Halloween for old Scruffy. We’ll have a dry holiday before the rain spreads across the sky early tomorrow…but no trick or treaters dressed like Monsters will be roaming my dock this evening.

I’m off the hook.

For Real Monsters

We’ve had our share of genuine monsters this year. Here’s a short rouge’s gallery:

He looks like a Amish Dude. But not so fast. He’s the leader of Chechnya. A country most of us Boomers remember from the early 90s. The Russians bombed his capitol, Grozny, into rubble. Ramzan’s old man switched sides and made a deal with the Devil. The Devil rebuilt the city, good as new, even better, with posh restaurants lining the pristine boulevards. The Old Man got his ass assassinated. Naturally, his son took over. And guess who’s faces you see on every building?

What kind of monster is Ramzan? I’d call him a Goblin. A mischievous, ugly creature resembling a dwarf. He’s the guy that says it’s a good idea to nuke the Ukrainians. He says he’ll send his three teen aged sons to fight in the war. Kids 14, 15 and 16. He’s a big time instagram user. I’d say that pretty much defines a Goblin. Anyway, I’m done with him for the moment. Let’s move on to other monsters.

How about this guy?

Every word this monster speaks is a lie. They say each lie you tell leaves a mark on your appearance. Not a pretty face these days, eh? Well, the way Sergey looks, I’d label him a Ghoul. A person morbidly interested in death or disaster. His ghoulish appearance is a complement to his veracity. Nobody around here believes his lies. Millions of naive Russians do. May his rancid soul occupy the depths of hell for all eternity.

This horrible creature has a deceptively pleasant appearance. But he’s a Vampire. That’s right. He lives forever. He’s been President of Russia, Prime Minister of Russia, Chairman of the Security Council…all of these titles he’s held at the behest of Putin. He’s Putin’s number one ass licker…unless you include Ramzan. He started out pretending to be a nice guy. Now he spends his days threatening us with Nuclear War. Nothing like scaring the kids out of their wits. Here is a guy who kind of reminds me of Medvedev:

Is this getting tiresome?

Wait, let me add one more Monster.

The big daddy, in fact:

That’s right. Good old Vladimir. Not Vlad The Impaler. The current Vladimir. The President For Life of Russia. This nasty little Hitler with a turnip up his ass will go down in radioactive ashes and take the rest of us down with him. What kind of monster is he? I’d label him The Kraken. That’s right, a wiggly sea monster with a dozen arms. He’s hiding behind his little prick mug. Here’s what he really looks like:

Pretend Monsters

I can’t exit this post without leaving you with something positive. I know I’m the Gloomy Boomer but I’m struggling here to move my feet to the sunny side of the street. My gym, The Mill Valley Community center, held a Halloween party for the kids last friday. Here’s some of their Monsters:

My favorite is this evil cat. His head swivels.

If only all the world’s genuine monsters were no more dangerous than the one’s here on the lawn at the Mill Valley Community Center. I’m a wishful thinker. I’m hoping everything will work out for the best in the end.

Don’t you?