The Gloomy Boomer navigates life in cruising gear. I don’t like work…I don’t like doing stuff I don’t like…I like to lay around all day like a fat squirrel. The Modern Sailing School and Club has this motto they printed on their team shirts, “Live Slow, Sail Fast.” I suppose it was meant to be I’d end up buying one of their boats. Even though I don’t sail fast. I’d just as soon sail slow, or even better, stay put at the dock.

The boat I’m thinking of buying has been on the market for a while. I’m thinking of buying it mainly because it’s located right here at my old Marina. If I buy it, I don’t gotta worry about transferring it here. I don’t gotta do shit. Just buy it. The sailing school is here. I’m here. I’m at home, where I wanna be. I’m basically lazy. This is a perfect match type deal.

Dirk, my boat buying advisor, tries to warn me off. Dirk says the sailing school boats are beat up from constant use. Now they’re cutting loose all their deadbeat boats.

“What they’re doing is getting rid of the beat up old Catalinas and making room for the Beneteau’s.”

“That makes sense.”

This is why Dirk is my boat buying advisor. He steers me away from my tendency to make bad deals. Sometimes I take his advice. But this one’s different. This is not a good deal or a bad deal. This is a perfect match type deal…

So I offered the owner of the sailing school, Lee, some money for the boat. He said no he can’t sell it that cheap. “Why not?” I ask. “Well,” he says, “I could just as well stick it back in the fleet and rent it out all summer.” So I offer him a little more money and he says, “Well, okay, I guess we can make a deal for that price.”

And we did. The next day I show up at his little lounge area office and hand him a stack of cash. By now we’re brand new best friends. While he’s counting the money I say maybe it might be a good idea if he gives me a bill-of-sale just to keep things regular. And, still counting the cash, he says, yeah, I could do that. When he signs the bill-of-sale for my brand new beat up old boat I stare at his name. “Wow, Lee. You’re names Leigh. That’s how you spell it, Leigh?”

“That’s right.”

“Leigh Hunt?”

“That’s correcto.”

“Like the Romantic Poet?”

He nods, grinning. “Same exact spelling.”

“Wow….Leigh Hunt.”

“Most people don’t make the connection.”

“I studied English Literature in Grad School.”

He nods approvingly as he counts my–I mean his–money.

So now I’m feeling a little better about buying a boat that’s basically been a work-horse for a pack of land-lubing wanna-be sailors. Novices who routinely ram the fleet boats into the dock, burn out the engines, abuse the rigging, and so on. I’m feeling a little better because I’m buying the boat from a Romantic Poet. Leigh Hunt. Maybe not the original Leigh Hunt, of course. Not even any relation to the original Leigh Hunt. What difference does that make?

In the world of omens this is certainly a good omen.

But why did they name my brand new beat up old boat Double Lotus?

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do some research.

Here’s what the double lotus looks like:

In Chinese tradition, Bingdi lotuses are considered both auspicious and joyous and as an embodiment of kindness and beauty.

Auspicious? Did Wikipedia say Auspicious? We all know what that means. The word “auspicious” implies that the situation or event is likely to be successful and advantageous. My decision to go with a perfect match type deal is lucky. And I’m buying this double-lucky boat from a Romantic Poet. Or at least a dude named after a Romantic Poet.

These are two good omens.

Yet something else about Double Lotus strikes me. Something about a Chick I used to date. Way back into the mists of time. Man, she was something else. She was quite a beauty. And what she did to stay in shape, she practiced yoga. She’d sit in the Livingroom, on a mat, with her legs crossed. She called it the double-lotus position!

Yes. She often assumed the double-lotus position!

The double-crossed-legged or the double Lotus position is one of Buddhist iconography’s most significant and widely recognized postures. This posture, where Lord Buddha sits with both legs crossed and palms resting on the knees is deeply associated with the moment of enlightenment…Wikipedia

ENLIGHTENMENT!

I don’t know. Enlightenment? Staring at this young woman is enlightening but not in the way Lord Buddha had in mind. I’m thinking of the ordeal of assuming the double lotus position. What’s wrong with just crossing your damned legs? I like to cross my legs, especially when I eat mixed nuts and chug red wine. But that don’t fly with the Buddhists. No, it’s never easy with these Enlightenment Dudes. Cross your legs, then twist your feet around like you’re defying gravity…make sure it hurts. That way, as a novice, you are more easily conned into believing that attaining enlightenment is difficult and only achieved through self-torture and sacrifice. This is how they make money. The truth is simple. Enlightenment is free and easy. I mean, just look around at naturally enlightened beings.

You see this guy twisting his feet out of joint?

Only Human Beings know how to make enlightenment difficult.

See how I get off track?

I mean who cares about assuming the lotus position! I’m not taking yoga. I’m not assuming the Double Lotus. I own the Double Lotus. Check out the inside.

I gotta spiff it up with some paintings and lights and bright pillows and shit. You know, spiff it up. Maybe hang some curtains. Grab my micro wave oven and cocktail fridge out of storage. Make this tub like home sweet home. And maybe…who knows…Maybe…

I’ll do some sailing.