Roman statues don’t age. Maybe give them a million years they’ll turn to dust. This one’s two thousand years old. Marble is good for almost ever. Why am I talking about marble statues?

So the other day Kim texted me an old photograph of myself.

She made some comment on how white I looked in the shot.

But frankly what shocked me is

how I once looked…

I coulda been a statue!!!

That was then

This is now

Sorry, I aint showing you my flabby ass old dude body.

Funny how badly you age.

I used to be beautiful. I was the kind Gay Dudes lust after. Horny Broads flock to. Rich old women proposition. In College the co-eds chased me from bar to bar. That was then. Now it’s gone. Now I’m just a grumpy old dude. Crusty as baked lasagna. And it only took fifty years to get here. Well, I can thank Kim for reminding me of how I used to be.

She texts me these photos and I’m thinking she’s rubbing it in. Why does she keep these photos? Why, for that matter, does anybody keep old photos.

But you know what?

I don’t give a shit.

I never did much give a shit. I always figured being beautiful is a One Hit Wonder. You hit or you miss. If you hit. That’s good. You’re beautiful. You’re a hit for a while. Then it’s gone. It’s gone and it’ll never return. That’s life.

In fact, you might even say Life’s a One Hit Wonder.

I never took photos of myself much until now. Now days I like taking photos of myself. Especially now I have this blog to play with. I like taking photos of myself mainly to spite the fact I’m a crusty old dude. I’m truly crusty now. And it makes me happy. I like seeing myself old and washed out. I wish I could look even crustier. Like this dude!

I’m envious of how uniquely crusty Henry Miller looks.

Or Bukowski.

Especially Bukowski.

Bukowski broke the bank when it came to crust.

You don’t earn a face like Bukowski’s from a diet of vegetables, cookies and milk…

I wish to god I could look as crusty as Charles Bukowski.

I need to drink more. Drink more. Stay out all night. Chase crusty old Broads around the Cruising Club. Gotta put some work into it…

I figure I got a ways to go to get from Miller to Bukowski.

And some day, if I work real hard at it, I could even get beyond Bukowski.

I’m dreaming of one day looking like…like this:

Dig the dude’s Crust!

You can not get crustier than Ramses the second.

Anyway, this is my goal.

Until then, I’ll groove on this One Hit Wonder from A-ha…

One Billion Views and counting.