Today is Tuesday 9 April 2024…

Yesterday we had a Solar Eclipse.

Was it a big deal for you?

The Path Of Totality

The path of totality and partial contours crossing the U.S. for the 2024 total solar eclipse occurring on April 8, 2024. NASA

The Path Of Totality. A spiffy term for the area of maximum solar eclipse. The sun is completely blacked out by the moon.

As you can see, from the map above, the S.F. Bay Area was not within the Path Of Totality.

Yet we did experience a partial solar eclipse. That’s where a little piece gets bit off. Like biting the edge off a cookie. That’s the kind of eclipse we saw. I don’t remember the last time I stared up at one of those. Maybe if I gave a damn more I would remember…

It happened, the news says, around 10:30 a.m., depending what part of the bay area you occupy.

I don’t know what I was doing around ten thirty a.m. yesterday. I was here at the office. I know that much. Maybe at the point where the cookie nibble occured I was taking a big dump. Or gulping coffee. Or staring at this computer screen. The Office was pretty empty. I wondered about that. Usually it’s packed that time of the morning. Now I know why it was so quiet and empty in here. Everybody was outside, staring up at the sun. Funny. I didn’t notice a crowd standing out there in the parking lot, gazing up at the cookie. Nobody shouted out OH, MAN! SHIT! COME SEE THE FUKK’N ECLIPSE!

Maybe nobody else gave a damn, either. Thinking this gives me some comfort. It would be nice if maybe I’m not the only person in the human race that couldn’t give a rat’s ass less about a solar eclipse. When I was a kid the field trip to the planetarium was a good day to cut school. I like stars, don’t get me wrong. I like them best when I’m in a place like Hawaii where the stars blaze like white fire. But a solar eclipse? All that means is the moon got in the way of the sun.

Being within the path of totality is a little bigger deal I guess

Say you’re a New Guinea Headhunter. You’re hanging within the path of Totality. The sky darkens. You stare up at the sun. WHOA, WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? Some bad ass God is eating the Sun. You have a reason to be terrified. As for the rest of us? Eh…not such a big deal. Maybe watching the eclipse relieves yer chronic low-grade depression for like twenty minutes or so. That’s a good thing. It would be kind of cool though to be a New Guinea Headhunter for twenty minutes and freak out thinking some bad ass God ate the sun. I mean, that would be cool. Then, when the Sun reappears, you feel a blast of pure joy, like you just stepped off the Santa Cruz Beach And Boardwalk Big Dipper Roller Coaster…better even.

A Dayak headhunter, Borneo.

I wish I was a Headhunter

Maybe not a Headhunter exactly.

Maybe I don’t hunt heads for a living. Maybe I’m just a Ape Man. Living in the trees. Or in colder climates, living in a cave, sitting beside a roaring fire.

I wish I was a Ape Man.

I’m a Ape Man. I’m not worried about my Social Security getting cut by Right Wigger Zingers. I’m not worried about inflation or the stock market. When you’re a Ape Man there aint no economy. I’m not thinking I’m about to get wasted in a Nuclear War thanks to some Russian Shit Pot Dictator. My only war is Ape Man Wars where you chase away the enemy with sharpened sticks. Stab em in the ass and they run away. I’m not concerned about my Social Media. I’m not staring at Facebook thinking what kind of stupid shit is this? Am I really living alongside these people? No. I’m not. I’m a Ape Man. I’m staring at the roaring fire. Outside in the cold night a Eagle screams. The wolves howl. These are not yer Facebook wolves. These are the kind that’ll eat yer doggie or eat you for a bigger meal. I’m thinking I better stoke this roaring fire, put some more wood on the pile. That way I stay warm. And alive. I’m not worried that Climate Change is destroying the planet. I’m a Ape Man. I’m fighting the climate. If I’m not hunting, and gathering, I’m hanging with other Ape Men, doing sign language and grunting and shit. I don’t have time to think. Except sometimes I do. That’s when I tag the walls with pictures of Bison and Deer. That’s kind of fun. One thing I am definitely not is Depressed. I’m not thinking what’s the use of living. I’m thinking how do I keep living. I’m not taking Xanax to deal with my anxiety and panic disorder. I get anxiety, I hunt a Bison; I get panic disorder, I run away. I run away fast if I’m being chased by a lion.

I’m a Ape Man. I get up in the morning I’m 100 percent alive. I’m not half-dead still from the civilized world…a world reminding me with every bit of news I hear day in and day out how everything is a problem. How we gotta face these problems. Because we are the cause of all these problems. We caused the pollution. We caused the racism. We caused the world hunger. We caused the gender inequality. We caused the wars. We caused everything that’s bad. We are bad. And because we’re bad, we need to listen. Listen, listen, listen, and keep listening. Get old listening. Then you’re in a rest home and you gotta listen. Listen a while longer…then go ahead you miserable piece of crap go ahead and die.

I don’t want to listen.

No wonder I don’t feel any kind of wild childlike glee from staring at a solar eclipse. Even a partial solar eclipse. I’m so fucked up from the civilized world I can’t think anymore. I can’t take joy in simple things. I’m fed up with being civilized.

I want to be a Ape Man.