May your bomb shelters be stocked and comfortably furnished

I’m a low rent dude. I don’t own a bomb shelter. I live on a boat. Good old Scruffy. I’m gonna make myself an escape plan. That is, clean Scruff’s hull, fill the tanks and motor up to the Delta which happens to be a pretty good spot to hide out when otherwise law abiding folks start knifing each other for a can of beans. The Delta is vast. I don’t know where I’m gonna hide out up there. Definitely up past Owl Harbor. Park old Scruff in some tall weeds. Fish some catfish. They got catfish on the Delta? I don’t know. All I know, Hunger-enraged formerly good citizens aint gonna get to me up there. They’re busy killing each other down here. How many of em own boats? They aint gonna get to me up on the Delta…

Winding rivers, streams, estuaries, reservoirs and shit all over hell. Endless spots to hide. 756,478 acres of watery turf!

Boaters go to the delta, they never return.

They become Delta Rats.

Living on the river.

Shit…they even got old timey ghost towns up there for hanging out when you’re a River Rat.

There’s only one way out, baby!

The Delta…my escape.

Only problem, I gotta deal with the actual real live Delta Rats.

They can weigh up to fifty pounds.

They can swim like beavers. They’ll swim to my boat, climb the anchor lines, and eat my ass!

Delta Rats.

I’ve dealt with Rats. I’ve dealt with Egan’s Rats. I never dealt with Delta Rats.

I gotta think about it…

May you avoid the viral scourges currently erupting with Biblical ferocity across our lands

I’m only saying. I never get sick but thanks to the suck-ass free booze sample job I’ve been working, l came down with a case of something. In other words I feel like shit. Wheezing. Coughing up vile crap. Weak knees. Bad runny nose. Shit wont dry up. I never get sick. But now I’m down. Tougher to bounce back when your seventy.

Normal Guy says, “go to the hospital. Get a test. Find out what it is.”

Fuck’ n A Hell. Normal Guy goes to the hospital when he gets a serious hang nail.

What do I need to go to the hospital for? I already got what I got. So what if they say I got covid? Covid what? 19? 20? 21? 22? There’s a couple dozen covids out there. And RSV. And Flu. And Kung Fu Flu. And Chicken Flu. Everywhere you look there’s new shit popping up.

It’s getting real bad.

You may need to remain in your Bomb Shelters for who knows how long.

The rest of us eat shit and die.

I can chill out at Joan’s ice palace.

She’ll put up with me long as I fund the 8 course meals.

And fix her Christmas lights.

May you come to find all suggestions, advice, answers and conclusions you find on the internet or elsewhere regarding gift giving to be total bullshit

Another Christmas has rolled around and it gets crazier every year. Used to be, when shit was bad in the world, Christmas offered a psychological reprieve, sorta. Nowdays, with the bad shit rising up around us like irradiated fanged living mold, Christmas feels like a quaint practice of a forgone era. It gets harder to make sense, Christmas. Better to switch your allegiance to The Day Of The Dead. The Mexicans always get it right.

Meanwhile, we’re stuck with the Traditions of Christmas. People still go out and buy a bunch of shit for people they feel they need to please. If you don’t buy shit, you’re deemed a Scrooge…or worse…you’re just bad. Well, I got news for you,

Scrooge was right.

You don’t gotta buy shit for anybody.

Old Scrooge. He’s not alone.

I’m thinking of Jehovah’s witnesses.

They don’t buy shit for anybody on Christmas. Unlike Scrooge, they’re nice people. And yet they don’t celebrate Christmas. Check em out on Christmas. They’re standing around watching us. Like lab technicians. Watching us white rats charge around like goonies grabbing shit off shelves, passing dough to the clerks. They’re shaking their heads.

I stepped across to their side of the room a long time ago. I don’t buy shit for anybody.

Almost anybody.

May you turn for your solace in these hard times to the new living Jesus

The Chat Box A.I. Jesus App can be downloaded onto your I phone. Use the apple store, if you like…

This is a Jesus with Devine artificial intelligence.

You can speak with him personally.

He’ll answer you. Yeah, that’s right. It’s a new kinda world we’re living in.

Go ahead and download the app.

Get in touch with Jesus.

Embark on a spiritual journey and engage in enlightening conversations with Jesus Christ, the Apostles, and a multitude of other revered figures from the Bible.

Text With Jesus

Ask him if the Delta Rat crawling up my anchor line deserves a blessing.