How do I begin this?

Yeah, okay. I’m looking for any excuse to avoid work on old Scruffy, my boat.

So I give Kona Dave a call. He’s been ghosting me for months but I like ghosts. His birthday is tomorrow. He’s turning 70. He’s an old man, like me. Good reason to call him. Welcome to old age, Dave!

How do I know tomorrow’s his birthday? I know this because I turn 70 on August the 27th. Dave’s birthday is ten days behind mine, which would make him 70 on the 17th of August. So I’m good. Today is the seventeenth of August! Strange how my dented old brain works. But it works and I’m always spot on.

To my surprise Kona Dave, the elusive one, picks up on the first ring.

“Happy Birthday, Dave! You’re seventy years old! You’re officially old!”

“You’re late. My birthday was the thirteenth.”

“Wow, happy birthday! Heh…heh…”

Kona Dave tells me he’s on the road. Driving a motorhome and pulling a trailer. He’s traveling to Black Rock City.

“You’re on the road. Just like Jack Kerouac. Where’s Black Rock City?”

“Burning Man.”

One thing I know. The only thing, actually, I know about Burning Man: it starts on the 27th of August. The reason I know this is because my birthday is the 27th of August. I think I know this.”

“But today is the 17th of August.”

“I go early to set up.”

“Set up?”

“I’m setting up Rogue Nation. My village.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember now. You’re the Marshal of Burning Man.”

“No. I’m not.”

I don’t know diddly squat about Burning Man

I like to learn stuff. I like packing my dented old brain with all kinds of shit. So with nothing to do on this particular day but work on old Scruffy, I do a little research on Burning Man. Right off the bat, I discover this video.

This video pretty much says it all.

Now I got nothing to do but go back to work on Scruffy.

Maybe I’ll take a nap instead.

Tales of a muddy deluge

I spend a couple weeks avoiding work on Scruffy.

Instead I do a little bird watching.

And napping…

Labor Day arrives. I could use a little labor. Hire some dudes to help me work on Scruffy.

I have no money to pay the labor.

Good reason to take a nap.

Meanwhile stuff’s been popping up in the news.

Ominous stuff about Black Rock City.

Stuff appears on Joan’s favorite channel, Fox News.

I’m hanging at Joan’s pad.

Got a nice view from the dining room.

I’m watching CNN on my laptop.

Her T.V. in the kitchen is loud.

“What’re they saying about Black Rock City?”

“That Burning Man Festival,” she says. “They shut it down.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Mud.”

“What?”

“Mud!”

“Did you say Mud?”

“Take off your earphones!”

I remember Kona Dave mentioned something about the mud.

What was it?

I’m racking my tired old brain. Something he said about the weather.

If it rains, there will be mud.

Terrible mud.

Well, I think I remember him telling me about the mud.

Now I see Black Rock City is a disaster zone.

No big deal.

I got my own concerns.

The God Damn Facebook Messenger!

I don’t know what it is. It’s not a beep.

A hellish jingle.

A god damn jingle!

It’s driving me crazy.

It won’t stop. It keeps going off. I’m trying to sleep. Bad enough the fucking seagulls squawk for crackers. Now I got this hellish phone JINGLING. Just as I’m drifting back to sleep it Jingles.

There! It did it again!

I’m about to slam the fucking phone against the floor.

Then I notice the little lightning bolt at the top of the screen. It’s the god damned FACEBOOK MESSENGER sending me alerts.

I hate Facebook. I especially hate facebook messenger.

Then I notice all these messages are from Kona Dave.

Looks like he’s had some trouble.

A refugee from Black Rock City

This much I know. Dave is driving from Black Rock City back to his home in Seattle. Packing all the gear he hauled into Black Rock City. The shit needs to get home safely to Seattle.

He’s the MARSHALL. He claims he’s not the Marshall. Never mind that.

I’m trying to make sense of the hellish Facebook Messages.

Like dispatches from the Congo.

From the heart of darkness:

I am still in Oregon. Here is what happened.

Wed September 6 6:30pm

Last to leave Black Rock city from Rogue Nation. Took 3 days packing mud caked stuff even with all the help who stayed until the end.  I was last to leave. Two hours later and two hours from rendezvous with other Rogue campers waiting for me at Summer Lake hot springs,  tire blow out.  I was in no cell phone service area.  Slept by curious horses at side of lonely highway.

Thursday Sept 7

Had to hitchhike to Cedarville. Spend the day at Rabbit Traxx store and  gas station. Met most of the town there. All very nice people wanting to help….except store manager. He told employee to put stool away I was sitting outside. Later when my phone was about dead and I was waiting for a confirm the tire repair truck was coming. I asked an employee if they had a charger to charge my phone. They had converted but no cable. I bought cable and employee plugged in converter in outside outlet. Before I could plug in cord, manager came out and said, ” Are you charging your phone here? I said no. It is in my hand. He said ” you are not going to charge you phone here” and took the charging block away.  

Tire store did send truck over 6300 foot Cedar pass 35 miles away.  Put my spare 29 year old spare  on because he brought wrong size tires. He followed me back over the pass to Altura California to put on new tire.  Took all day to fix situation. Left Altura with new tire  at 5pm.

That evening, I was driving 40 mph to not hit a deer. I didnt want  to be like Hoyt who  hit  a deer, maybe an antelope and cow. Three different animals in one night! I came upon a herd of at least 10 Deer in the middle of the dark road. . I didnt know deer ever were in herds, but a local guy said they do this time of year to protect their young. Most moved out as I slammed on breaks. Slowed to 20mpg and one  jumped right in front of me.  I hit it at less than 20 mph,  but  I ran right over it. Took out my transmission cooler and all the fluid drained.  So now no  transmission. Stuck on side of road 8 miles from LaPine. Emergency service insurance spent 2 hours looking for giant size tow truck to come haul me to Bend. 45 min away.
Towed me 14 miles to LaPine to repair shop ($750 billed to insurance) . After he argued with phone rep on price. Said they didnt pay him before and they gave him wrong info on towing needs: size and make of RV, wrong location ect. Rep had to get supervisor. Got there at 2 am Friday.sept in repair shop lot

Friday Sept 8

In morning, they said they dont work on motorhomes. Bend was 35 miles away. Called all repair shops in Bend. Some didnt answer or were 2 to 3 weeks backed up. Found a hole in transmission cooler. Looked easy to replace. 3 bolts, two lines. Ordered part and 14 quarts of tranny fluid from Napa 1/2 mile away. They delivered and I fixed itbmyself. Mechanic at the shop lent me two wrenches. The aftermarket janky kit instructions said to zip tie to main radiator with supplied zip ties. I was able to bolt to old bracket on one side and zip the other. Left LaPine at 3pm driving slow so bumper and front of motorhome would not fall off.  At 7pm, more noises and I thought 2nd tire going out,  slept in Grass Valley church parking.  No services here.

Saturday Sept 9

Woke up to maybe Jesus staring at me and talking. Then drove 35mph down to Columbia river and i84. Beautiful drive. Noises worse, so stopped at a riverside park. Could not see a problem. Drove 12 more miles  to Les Schwab tire store to replace other front tire. It had almost new tread,but 12 years old. Oly use motorhome for  Burns.  A matching tire coming in Wed. Opted for different brand.

Drove towards Portland. Noise got louder and louder. Grinding. Sounded  what I assume a wheel bearing going out makes. Slowed to a stop across from some homeless people campers with flat tires a bags of garbage. My duct taped RV fit right in the neighborhood.

I tried to call emergency services, but my phone would only text but no voice calls. Emergency tow only took voice calls.

Emergency service said they could not  find  any tow trucks available in Portland until Mon.

April and Hoyt made calls for me and at 6 :30 pm a flatbed ” tow” truck showed up. Did not have a ability to tow with front wheels off ground. Towed RV with utility trailer attached.

Camped at Meineke repair shop across the street from beer and wine store and 24 hour Taco restaurant and open all night laundromat. Interesting neighborhood. A seemingly popular guy has been busy selling something to cars that drive up. Tow truck operator said lock everything up and be careful. I would Uber to  hotel, but dont want to leave RV and trailer here unguarded.

Sunday.Sept 10

Just camping here all day still guarding my RV and trailer.

Man, looks like Kona Dave is in trouble!

But he’s a wealthy man. The Marshall of Black Rock City.

Where is Hoyt!!!!

Did Jesus actually appear?

I don’t get it.

Well…Dave is obviously in trouble.

Whenever Howard Hughes got in trouble his Mormons came to the rescue.

I would think Kona Dave’s Pagans would come to his rescue!

Maybe the Black Rock City pagans are not so loyal as the Mormons.

Anyway, I’m trying to make sense of this.

I need a nap.

To be continued…