Wiki how. com

Man, I’m all of a sudden feeling a lot of gratitude.

I’m thinking I’ll make a list of all the things I feel grateful for.

This urge just came over me.

Why am I making a list? I’m making a list because…well, because…I don’t know why exactly.

I notice a lot of bloggers make lists.

I suspect they do it primarily to create content.

Maybe it’s a good idea.

So here’s my list of things I’m feeling grateful for.

I’m not numbering my list. Everybody numbers their list. Why do I need to number my list? So I can be like everybody else? Fuck everybody else.

I’m giving the list thing a shot. That’s it.

Anti-lock Brakes

Anti-lock braking systems (ABS) help you steer in emergencies by restoring traction to your tires. What It Does: Helps prevent wheels from locking up – possibly allowing the driver to steer to safety. What It Does Not Do: May not shorten stopping distance; pedal may vibrate or push back – that’s normal.

My car does what. com

My Europlex wagon, a Prius, has anti-lock brakes.

I never thought much of my brakes, one way or the other, until this morning.

When this happened.

I’m doing forty behind this line of cars. I’m staring at my phone. Some dingleberry at the head of the line stops in the merge lane, stalling the entire line.

I look up a split second before I bash into the car in front of me.

Locking brakes I would’ve skidded, lost control, slammed into the car.

Anti-lock brakes, I maintain control of the car and steer to the right onto the shoulder, avoiding a collision.

No good staring at your phone while driving.

Good that you have anti-lock brakes!

Second Chances

Fate’s giving me a second chance.

I mean, slamming into that car would not have been good.

Worse case scenario I’m killed or left an invalid.

Let’s look at the best case scenario. The Euro Prius is made of plastic. The body is. The body is so flimsy you can wiggle the damned front bumper. That’s how flimsy it is. For sure I would’ve totaled the front end. Totaled. And even if I lied about staring at my phone. Which I would’ve. Even if I lied and claimed a rear-end collision based on that dingleberry at the front of the line stopping in a merge line, even if I played it cool, I would’ve lost. Because the Euro Prius is not in my name. My insane former employer is the legal owner. I’m grateful for that. Grateful because I can drive around forever and he won’t care because he’s insane. A totaled car (collision money, etc.) the car reverts back to him.

Best case scenario, I’m walking.

I’m forced to buy my live-aboard van before I’m ready.

So….I’m grateful for second chances.

Somebody up there likes me.

Somebody up there

also ˈgȯd. capitalized : the supreme or almighty reality. especially : the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness whom people worship as creator and ruler of the universe. : a being believed to have more than human powers. ancient peoples worshipped many gods.

wikipedia

I’m grateful I got somebody up there.

Somebody up there is looking out for Old Gloomy.

How do I know this?

I don’t know this. I’m speculating.

I’m banking on all this God rubbish being true. That a benevolent God does exist. That He or She is looking out for me.

It’s easy that way.

With a God up there you don’t need to think. You don’t need to take responsibility for anything. If something goes wrong you blame it on God. If things go well you praise God.

You show gratitude to Somebody Up There.

Wait a minute. Stop the list. This dude over there is staring at me…

He’s staring at me.

I look at him, he looks away. I look away, he stares at me.

I think he’s been tailing me.

Look at him. Dresses in black. Sunglasses.

I’m sitting here in my favorite little table here beside the front door and he walks in, notices me, moves over to the barista and orders coffee but all the while staring back at me.

What the fuck is going on?

I mean look at him. Does he look normal to you?

He looks like something out of a nightmare!

Nightmares

The Nightmare (Henry Fuseli, 1781) Detroit Institute of Arts

I’m grateful for nightmares.

I always wake up from my nightmares.

I wake up from a ghoulish nightmare and my first reaction is, THANK GOD, IT WAS ONLY A DREAM.

It’s the same feeling as I got when I avoided slamming into the car in front of me. I had anti-lock brakes! Thank god I avoided slamming into that car!

You see how everything ties in?

Where is he?

The dude staring at me.

He moved off.

Maybe he’s outside looking in.

Shit. I’m just being paranoid…

Paranoia

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Joseph Heller, Catch 22

I’m grateful for Paranoia because it keeps me on my toes.

Keeps me looking over my shoulder.

Seeing who’s looking at me.

Staring at me.

The dude in black was staring at me.

Something is wrong.

Maybe everything is wrong.

I’m grateful everything is wrong. If things were not wrong it would only mean we’re living in a fool’s paradise.

Moby wrote a song about it.

He calls his song Everything is wrong.

Moby

I’m grateful to Moby for writing the most depressing and pointless song I’ve every had the misery to listen to.

I’m trying to think.

I’m thinking maybe Moby was not breast fed as a child. Or maybe his father dropped him on his head. He actually makes money writing these depressing songs? Shit…

I’m at a loss.

Yet I’m Grateful to Moby. Because he makes me want to hear a terrific song.

From the Beach Boys.

A Terrific Beach Boys song

David Lee Roth is no longer on the scene.

Is he?

I’m done making lists.