The Living On Nothing Hobby
I’m thinking seriously of becoming a Nomad.
Not like the Camel Jockeys of the Sahara desert. Though that would be cool. My favorite movie is Lawrence of Arabia.
I could be like Lawrence.
Charge around on a camel. Waving a sword.
Kind of like I used to do at that home for disturbed kids.
Wait a minute. The guy in the poster is not the real Lawrence of Arabia. The real Lawrence looked like this:
The real Lawrence was a short dude (5ft7) with a big ego.
The movie Lawrence was a tall dude (6ft2) with a big ego…
Only a seven inch difference. Does being tall make it easier to ride a camel?
I don’t know.
I don’t know who to ask.
I’ll ask my asshole Artificial Intelligence artificial being. Maybe he knows.
Gloomer: hey, asshole. Is it easier to ride a camel if your tall?
Asshole A.I.: What kind of stupid shit question is that?
Gloomer: I asked you a simple question. I expect an answer, not a question.
Asshole A.I.: Okay, Moron. It’s like this. Riders must be at least 36″ tall to ride; weight limit is at camel loading Staff’s discretion.
Gloomer: Three feet? That’s no big deal. Shit. I could toss a little guy that size over the camel. But what if you’re way tall? You know, like 6ft3 or more. I’m pretty tall. Is there a tall limit?”
Asshole A.I.: Silence...
Gloomer: Hey, Asshole. I asked you a question.
Asshole A.I.: Profound Silence…
It’s like I’m beneath his consideration. He thinks I’m a Moron.
I’m not a Moron.
Nomads American Style
Forget the camel jockeys of the Sahara.
I’m talking about the American Style Nomads.
Like this guy.
“If the Great Recession was a crack in the system, Covid and climate change will be the chasm,” says Bob Wells, 65, the nomad who plays himself in the film Nomadland, an early Oscar contender starring Frances McDormand.
The Guardian
1995. Bob was working at Safeway full time and couldn’t make the rent. He moved into a green box van and didn’t need to make the rent. The first night in his van he cried himself to sleep. Bob was a wimp in those days. A rent paying wimp. But he toughened up. He got good at living in a beat-to-shit green box van. HE GOT HAPPY!
He got happy cuz he had no rent to pay!
He had money!
Suddenly he had money! He worked less. He worked less and he still had money!
Then he did something Red Blooded American.
He bought a domain name called Cheap RV Living. Posted tips on better vehicle living.
Started himself a You tube station.
He got big. He went from a few hundred subscribers to over half a million.
He’s got hundreds of videos he’s made.
Now he’s like the Guru Of Nomads.
Here’s my favorite video:
She’s living in a fiat 500!
She’s got it all tricked out.
WITH LEGGO’S
This woman’s tougher than me. She watched Bob’s videos and went over the edge. Became a Nomad. Converted her fiat 500 to a tiny home.
It’s helps to be short. Shorter than the real Lawrence Of Arabia, even.
I can’t help it. I like the idea of being a Nomad.
Especially after watching this video.
The no build van build
Comfortable.
Cot’s off the floor.
Plenty of storage…
And nothing to build!
That’s it. I’m sold. This video sold me.
I’m gonna build a no build van build…and I’m set to go!
That’s my plan.
Pump what’s left of my savings into a minivan.
Do some urban camping.
Hit the road.
what do you think?
I can’t ask my girlfriend what she thinks
No way!
I know without asking what she would say:
“You’re a fucking Moron.”
In her mind she would be justified, calling me a moron.
She owns a house.
Has investment savings. Works the market.
Pays lots of taxes.
Her taxes fund the infrastructure. The same infrastructure the Nomads LIVE OFF OF!
Naturally she despises homeless people….
Wait a minute. Okay. Maybe I’m being harsh. She doesn’t despise homeless people. It’s more like she’s revolted by them. Repulsed…sickened…sickened to her very core.
She’s a Conservative far right republican Trump desciple.
With them, the homeless situation…It’s a white heat thing.
You can not mention HOMELESS…or any form of homeless…Urban Camper…van dweller…nomad…whatever…to a far right republican.
They think poor-deadbeat-hardup-can’t-pay-the-rent-without-eating-their-children-people are COMMUNISTS.
Plain and simple.
It’s all a far left conspiracy.
Especially people WHO DESIRE the Nomad life.
People like me.
Our kind are like BACTERIA to the Trumpies.
No, I can’t ask her what she thinks.
Ask the Rabbi
So we’re at the Sunday Farmer’s Market here in San Rafael.
It’s located behind the Civic Center.
Huge big deal Sunday morning thing for Yuppie Boomers and all kinds of people.
My girlfriend insist on going because she’s a foody.
Today it’s kind of slow.
They got a guy playing the guitar. Old dude playing Beatles songs. Real sad. He sounds real pathetic playing these Beatles songs. Then he plays Ring Of Fire and he sounds pretty good. His voice is low like Johnny Cash. I’m thinking he should just play Ring Of Fire over and over again.
It might improve his act….
I apologize for not including a photograph of this sad dude singing Beatles songs.
Some scenes are just too sad to illustrate.
Anyway, my Girlfriend finds the items she likes to buy at the Farmers Market. We’re on our way out and we run into this guy and his wife.
I’m intrigued.
I approach the booth.
“May I ask you a question?”
“You certainly can.” he says.
He’s a nice man. His name’s Yisrael. I forgot his wife’s name. She’s real nice too. I wish I could remember her name.
“What I’d like to ask…”
“Yes?”
“What do you think of Nomads?”
“Who?”
“People who live in cars, vans, RVs, anything on wheels. Off the grid. People can’t make the rent. They’re terribly unhappy. Most of them are older. Boomers. Seniors like me. They’re living paycheck to paycheck. But they just can’t make it. They’re terribly unhappy. Then one day they chuck it and move into a car or a van or whatever. They organize their stuff. They sell off most of it. They organize I mean downsize everything they own down to what will fit in a car. One senior lady lives in a fiat 500 with leggo shelves. I mean, really small. But they love it. The Nomad life transforms them. Suddenly they are happy!“
Yisrael is staring at me. Well…behind those sunglasses he’s staring at me.
His wife is smiling.
Finally he says, “I don’t quite understand the question.”
His wife pipes up. “Would you mind taking our picture again? One with us smiling?”
“I wouldn’t mind at all.”
This is a much nicer picture of them.
She’s smiling. A nice smile.
He’s looking at me like…I’m a Moron.
Maybe It’s the sunglasses.
I’m thinking he’s a nice man.
Actually, he’s doing what I oughta do. He’s selling his book.
Check it out on Amazon.
On the way home I ask Joan.
“What do you think?”
I’m thinking of Nomads.
Why do I wish to become a Nomad? Maybe it’s the Old West thing. Living out on the range. Just me and my horse. Saddle bags. Pallet on the ground. Saddle for a pillow.
The old west archetype.
The Living On Nothing Hobby
No. It has nothing to do with Old West Shit.
I like living on nothing. It’s a hobby of mine. See how little I can spend and get away with it. The living on nothing hobby. I used to keep a little journal of my weekly expenses. At one point in the early nineties I had it down to twenty bucks a week! Kind of the opposite of the Shopper’s Hobby. The hobby of seeing how much you can spend on nothing.
My girlfriend has the Shopper’s Hobby.
“So what do you think?” I’m asking her all the way back to her pad.
“What do I think about what?”
“About what I asked the Rabbi?”
“I think it’s a great idea.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You can set up a booth and sell your novel. You could have it say, ASK THE GLOOMY BOOMER.”
She’s holding a thumb and forefinger to her forehead.
I may be a loser.
But I’m not a Moron.
There’s plenty of us out there.
Our membership is swelling…
2 thoughts on “The Living On Nothing Hobby”
hey great idea , get out there with your book! perfect place for it. I love that lady in her lego car. I love all the different ways people live in fact I’m fascinated by it.I always have been. I have been in many huge houses over the years and rather than be in awe of them I always think what a waste of space. All that cleaning and the money to power them up. The only time I have liked a big house is when I have thought about having a group living situation. For about 6 years in the 70s I rented a house on about an acre of land , it was a very old house, a one bedroom one bath with a screened and partially glassed in porch.It had a separate two car garage with an attached little room. I think it was 150.00 dollars a month . I rented from some old Italian friends of my grandparents .Little did they know what they were getting into renting to my pregnant hippie ass. Before you knew it I had the house and garage filled with friends .My best buddy Steve hung a big oil drum from chains on the rafters in the garage and made a fire place, in his tricked out pad. We had chickens and a goat . We had a garden of weed in between the corn . It was great so fun a big fire pit that we would BBQ most nights . Party every night .people just sleeping on the ground outside. Only one problem. This land was in the middle of a kinda regular neighborhood in Cupertino . A chainlink fence surrounding it. All the straights on the street would just walk by and stare . All those people with one toilet on a septic tank just wasn’t working, so Steve our engineering specialist, built an outdoor shower and we had a makeshift crapper as well. That, was hidden in some trees but from it you could watch the neighbors walking their dogs. Any ways those were some fun times. Living in Santa Cruz on 35th ave was fun too. I loved that lifestyle. Cheap living thats for sure.
I did the same thing with a cabin at the boardwalk. Rented it for a hundred a month. Filled it with my pals. Hung tapestries to make extra bedrooms. Did the same thing with a garage on King Street. And yet again at the house on 37th avenue. Invited all my pals. Even did it in San Diego with a house in La Jolla.
That was the Seventies.
We called each other the Little Buddies.
Now we’re in the twenty twenties….
And we’ve got old farts doing it in cars.
They’re called Nomads!