HERE’S THE DEAL :

I need to admit to myself this Blogging business is a waste of my time. It’s crazy. Who do you know Blogs like I’m doing? None of my friends. I mean, Look at me. I’m sitting here at my favorite end table at the Strawberry Starbucks (my office) and I’m thinking to myself, “Is this my perfect life?” What else could I be doing right now that’s more productive than Blogging?

Anything!

Anything would be more productive than what I’m doing.

Shit.

Feeding pigeons would be more productive.

I’m not the Emperor Honorius or even a historically prominent individual.

But I could still feed the pigeons.

And that would be more productive that Blogging.

What else could I do?

I could scroll around Youtube. Check out the music videos.

Wow, look what I found!

A Youtube music video of a concert THAT I ACTUALLY ATTENDED!

The Human League.

Don’t you want me, Baby!

Great concert! I was there. I sneaked in.

That was 2011. No more Sausalito Art Festival. Here’s what the grounds looks like after the Homeless People got done living there.

I can’t get too worked up over it.

A sad thing though.

The Sausalito Art Festival put on some good shows.

Anyway, scrolling youtube videos is even less productive than feeding pigeons.

A dude less productive than me

Well, I suppose I’m not the laziest dude who ever lived.

There are those even lazier than me.

Honorius.

The Emperor of the Roman Empire.

Honorius was even less productive than me.

I mean, he was dangerously lazy.

The city of Rome fell while he fed his pigeons.

“At that time they say that the Emperor Honorius in Ravenna received the message from one of the eunuchs, evidently a keeper of the poultry, that Rome had perished. And he cried out and said, ‘And yet it has just eaten from my hands!’ For he had a very large Rooster, Rome by name; and the eunuch comprehending his words said that it was the city of Rome which had perished at the hands of Alaric, and the emperor with a sigh of relief answered quickly: ‘But I, my good fellow, thought that my fowl Rome had perished.’ So great, they say, was the folly with which this emperor was possessed.”

Procopius, The Vandalic War (III.2.25-26)

But ROME was his favorite Chicken.

I don’t blame him for feeling relief.

Chickens need love.

I just did something productive

That’s right. I conducted a phone interview with a woman who may hire me for a job as a product demonstrator. Not at Costco. Other places. She says all I gotta do is pass the background check and I got the job.

Another productive thing I just did!

I signed up for the background check.

That means in a day or so I’ll know for sure if I got the job.

My background is pretty sketchy.

The product I’ll be demonstrating is Booze. Wine, Beer, Spirits.

I have no druck driving arrests.

No felonies.

No misdemeanors after the age of eighteen.

I’m clean.

That’s right. Clean, except for that pesky TAX LIEN.

I really need this Product Demonstrator Job. I mean, this could very well be the crowning achievement of my entire life.

25 bucks an hour and all the booze I care to take home.

This is serious, man!

We’ll just have to wait and see.

Keep your fingers crossed!