San Francisco board of supervisors (a liberal body) approved the use of explosive wielding robot cops to be used under extraordinary circumstances. I don’t know what that means. Extraordinary circumstances. I kinda think it means the cops are sending the robot after you because you’re a threat to society. They got you surrounded. You’re sitting on the toilet, reading Chekov, picking your nose, when a voice calls out, “Surrender!” You don’t have time to wipe your ass. The explosion rips you to pieces. Your body parts are found in the rubble….

Okay, so they got the wrong house. Nobody’s perfect. You could’ve been a Spree Killer.

I’m wondering what these Robot Cops look like.

Robot Dogs Are The Future

I’m not too keen on Robot Cops running around like wolves on the hunt. I’ve never been hunted by a Wolf Pact but I can imagine how unpleasant it is having a large canine bite your ass off.

Are Wolves canines?

Yeah, I checked. Wolves and Coyotes are canines. Dingos are canines. Foxes and Wild Dogs of Africa are also canines. Flesh and blood canines. But they’ll be Robotic in the future. They are already. But soon they’ll be everywhere, like Uber drivers. Some of them will work as cops, carrying explosives and blowing your ass off. Don’t worry, it’s nobody’s fault. You can’t get it right every single time. You got to factor in the imperfections….

I’m sitting here at Starbucks. At a table near the Barista counter. Where the internet works. This dude in line just ordered a sugarless lactose-free latte. Forget the robot killer dogs. I’m visualizing a pack of living breathing wolves ripping him to shreds. Please…show no mercy. Okay, so they’re fighting over chunks of him. Now he’s a trunk with a mangled head. They’re doing a tug of war with his bloody limbs. Cute. Except they’re making a mess. Maybe they should do this outside. Here. Let me hold the door…

The thing is, Robot Dogs are the future. Both as cops and as…just dogs. Cops because if you’re a robot designer with your shit together, you’re not looking at a design like this one walking very carefully down the stairs:

You’re looking at a robot that can move. LIke this:

And this:

And maybe even this:

You want to design a Robot that can get around easily. A robot that’s agile and quick. That can leap down off roofs. Shit like that. You want to emulate the most successful animals in Nature. We Humans proliferated because of our intellect not our athletic ability. A big wolf chasing my ass across a field will probably take me down. Unless I’m armed with a hand gun. Even then the Wolf might get me. With or without the Latte…

I’m trying to think…

Why do we need to arm our robot dogs with explosives and lend them to our Cops?

Okay, so I think I know the answer:

It’s really very simple. Every day we get a mass shooting event.

I bet it’s even more than once a day.

This year is likely to be the second-highest year for mass shootings in the United States on record, according to data compiled by the Gun Violence Archive, a non-profit that tracks gun violence incidents across the country. The Gun Violence Archive, like CNN, defines a mass shooting as one in which at least four people are shot, excluding the shooter. There have been at least 607 mass shootings through November 22 this year. That’s just short of the 638 mass shootings in the country at this point last year – the worst year on record since the group began tracking them in 2014. There were a total of 690 mass shootings in 2021. The United States is likely to soon surpass the total of 610 mass shootings in 2020, with more than a month left of 2022 to go.

CNN

Almost double what I thought it was.

Okay, so the deal is, we need Robotic Dog Cops in order to combat this deluge of spree killing that we as a nation are currently suffering. This is what the San Francisco Board Of Supervisors mean by

Extraordinary Circumstances

Okay, now I get it. We are living in a time of extraordinary circumstances.

Now it makes sense.

Rather than simply outlaw guns, or at least the access to guns by deranged fifteen year old’s, we build a badder weapon to confront the gun wielding punks. A kind of arms race of every day life.

A mutually assured annihilation type deal.

Sooner or later it’ll just be robot dogs running around, killing off all the punks. Then they’ll turn themselves on the rest of us…

Cheer Up

I need to end this post on a bright note. For one thing, I got way more to do than sit here at Starbucks while the politically correct Marin Locals buy sustainability drinks and think they’re cool. I should be looking for a job. True, I’m almost seventy. I should be taking it easy. Just me and my Robot Dog.

Yeah, that’s the ticket! End this post with a little buddy pooch.

Aibo the puppy works best with children too eager to touch a living animal that will bite them. Old Dudes too decrepit to walk a dog. Others that would like a dog but are frightened. Frightened of commitment. Frightened to leave the dog in the car or at home. Frightened of getting bitten by the little fucker or stepping on it while drunk. Frightened of life. Frightened yet desperately unhappy. OR near death and without relatives or real friends.

Use your computer skills with Aibo. Program him. He barks. He whines. He fetches his robot bone. He snores. You can program him to pee (I’m not sure…maybe). He runs around the apartment and sniffs shit. He’ll lay on his back and whine. He will love you. Nobody else loves you.

Aibo will make your life beautiful again. He or She (or whatever gender identity you prefer to assign it) will do what a living breathing dog used to do: give you a sense of contentment and joy. Nobody else will do that for you. Certainly your gender specific human wont. And you know as a dog person, dogs are better than people. Maybe Robot Dogs are better than dogs.

Aibo does not come alone. A thriving community accompanies your new pet.

These are good people.

They love their pets. They all know the benefit of owning Aibo over flesh and blood muts.

Aibo will live forever. Or until it’s obsolete.

I gotta bug out of here.

The after school punks are showing up…